'Why won't they just let me die?' Schoolgirl, 14, who was found hanged in her wardrobe kept secret diary about how she was unhappy with her weight and wanted to die

A schoolgirl who was found hanged in her bedroom had been writing a secret diary begging for her life to be over.

Charlotte Baron, 14, also penned a series of drawings depicting her self harming and posted entries saying she didn't like the size of her body.

One heartbreaking entry in the notebook told of an incident where she wished she had died after being admitted to hospital following a drinking bout over the Christmas holidays.

It read: 'I almost died - I was so close. I just wanted to forget everything. I just wanted to die. I was so f****** close why did they have to save me, why, I don't want to be here. Why won't they just let me die.'

In February last year Charlotte, from Rochdale, Greater Manchester, was found hanged in her wardrobe by her older brother Tyler, 20, who had been looking for a phone charger.

Police discovered she had sent a last text to a friend reading: "What the f*** is going on with me, I'm such a f****** wimp. F***.'

The hearing in Heywood was told Charlotte, who attended St Cuthberts Roman Catholic High School in Rochdale, appeared to be a happy girl and was close to her grandmother but she began self harming when she was 12.

During one incident, the teenager was admitted to a hospital A&E department after an overdose of paracetamol and was referred to mental healthcare professionals who gave her counselling sessions.

She was also badly affected by her grandmother being diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Charlotte's mother Veronica Kilbride, a 42-year old mother of five said: "I found out that she was self harming at 12.

"I had seen marks on her arms, and she denied it at first but then eventually admitted it. She was growing at a rapid rate and had body issues like most teenagers do.

"I don't know how often it happened, but she said it hadn't been going on that long. I let my mum talk to her because had been a self harmer and Charlotte seemed to get better after that.

"The scars on her arms had cleared up but I didn't realise she was cutting her legs because she always wore leggings and shorts and they were hidden.

"After she died I saw the pictures in the diary of the drawings of the cuts on her legs.

"When she took the overdose, my mum found her and went to the hospital with her. She came home the next day.

"I spoke to her about it when she came back from hospital but she said she didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to get her upset or for her to upset herself.

"My mother said to her that she was attention seeking but I never said that. We cuddled after because she wasn't herself and she wasn't right. I didn't want to press her too much.

"Charlotte was given too much freedom and I let her hang around too much with her friends because she didn't want to see her grandma deteriorate in the way that she was.

"She was quite a popular girl and socialised as teens do. But on December 29 she was found unconscious in a field when she had been drinking amaretto and vodka and she passed out and one of her friends came to get me and Tyler.

"She was unconscious for quite a while and when she did come round she was rambling saying how sorry she was. I was just happy to see her wake up.

"I thought that the drinking was the type of thing that teenagers do but that was a cry for help and I didn't see that.

"On the day she died it was half term and she was doodling on her books and I thought that she was just having a lazy day. I had seen her laid in bed reading and I assumed she was asleep because she didn't say anything to me.

"Then Tyler went up to her room and was screaming down to me and my partner. I did CPR on her but she was already gone."

Tyler, 20, said in a statement: "Charlotte was a happy kid and nothing seemed to be wrong with her.

"I would hear Charlotte when she was in her room because it was below mine so I could hear her laughing with her friends and listening to her music.

"Charlotte didn't go round telling everyone about her private life and she was generally a private person. The week she died Charlotte seemed completely normal."

Det Insp Andrew Butterworth told the inquest: "A black notebook was found entitled 'drawing diary' and signed Charlotte Baron. There was a number of drawings in there. The drawing on the first page was a hand with writing outside it.

"The hand had self harm marks in the arms and the words described Charlotte talking about harming herself, and as you go through the book talking about how she doesn't like the size of her body etc, that she's overweight and alludes to being depressed and not happy.

"There is a date on one drawing on page 3, which is the 30 December which appears to be a reference to the day after she was intoxicated. There is an image of a bottle and it says. 'So today is the 30th tomorrow is New Years Eve, yesterday I overdrank and ended up in hospital again.

"I almost died. I was so close I just wanted to forget everything. I just wanted to die. I was so f***ing close why did they have to save me, why, I don't want to be here. Why won't they just let me die.'

"The only drawings after that were of an eye and a hand with no text. The last message sent by Charlotte was to a friend of hers saying 'What the f*** is going on with me, I'm such a f****** wimp. F***.'

"During the day there were texts regarding her feeling depressed and nobody understanding her."

The hearing continues.

If you’re struggling to cope with mental health issues here are some of the ways you can access help.

Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.

Horrifying images show men passed out in city centre subway - with 'heroin syringes' still in their hands

 Horrifying images show two men passed out in a busy city centre subway - with what are believed to be heroin syringes still in their hands.

This image, widely shared on social media, shows the horror of the drug scourge sweeping Belfast.

The men were found lying unconscious in a subway near the city's Albert clock early on the evening of August 17, surrounded by drug paraphernalia.

The use of heroin in Northern Ireland has dramatically increased in recent years, most of it in Belfast being supplied by ruthless organised crime gangs, in particular an eastern European mob dubbed 'The Russians'.

At the time this picture was taken the area was swarming with clubbers attending a Timmy Trumpet concert.

Many young teens walked past the oblivious pair, looking on in horror when they saw the needles sticking out of their pale arms.

There was a concentrated police presence outside the gig, including a Tactical Support Group squad in Land Rovers.

One source said: "Inside the gig was great. No trouble at all inside but outside it was madness, seeing young kids lying with needles hanging out of their arms is just as unbelievable as it is horrifying.

"Drugs are getting worse, the PSNI really need to get a grip on this, more needs to be done.

"This image is the reality of how serious our drug problem is."

Solar eclipses in black and white: How a US President and others watched the moon blocking the sun in the early 20th century (11 Pics)

In 1925, President Calvin Coolidge and his wife rose early to watch the solar eclipse from the White House Lawn.

Also in 1925, these astronomers watched the solar eclipse through telescopes and cameras from the Naval Observatory.

President Coolidge, who was in office from 1923 to 1929, watched the 1925 eclipse through a blackened window pane alongside his wife outside the White House.

In this image, a horse rider is seen entertaining crowds of people waiting for the sky to turn dark.

Here, General John A LeJeune, Commandant of the US Marine Corps, is seen viewing the 1925 eclipse in front of the Navy Department at Washington.

These men are seen casting shadows as they observe an eclipse.

In 1923, these men set up a large camera to photograph the eclipse.

The Postmaster General took pictures as he watched the 1925 eclipse with the aid of a photographic plate.

William Jennings Bryan, a caller at the White House, was snapped as he took a "peek" at an eclipse through a blackened glass.

Dr George H. Peters with his camera, ready to photograph the 1925 eclipse.

This photograph from 1911 shows crowd watching a solar eclipse.

Why People Shouldn’t Take Fish Medicine

As an alternative to expensive antibiotics, people have started taking amoxicillin, ciprofloxacin, penicillin and other drugs meant for fish. Here’s why it’s a bad idea.

As much as I love the idea of a good workaround when it comes to gaming the pharmaceutical industrial complex, I have to admit I was taken aback to hear about the trend of humans using antibiotics meant for fish. I mean, sure, they’re often the same drugs – amoxicillin, ciprofloxacin, penicillin and more. And sure, maybe even in the same doses and at a fraction of the cost. And heaven knows way too many people are between a rock and a hard place when it comes to health care. And yes, a lot of people like the security of having antibiotics in their emergency kit. But I’m squeamish enough about the misuse of antibiotics in the first place; can using ones meant for small finned creatures really be a good idea?

Well, Maya Wei-Haas had laid it all out for Smithsonian; and she determines that no, taking aquatic antibiotics is not a good idea. Here’s why:

FISH ANTIBIOTICS ARE COMPLETELY UNREGULATED

While animal drugs are supposed to be monitored by the Food and Drug Administration, no ornamental fish antibiotics are approved by the agency. 

“The antibiotics available in pet stores or online for ornamental fish have not been approved, conditionally approved, or indexed by the FDA, so it is illegal to market them,” the FDA said in a statement to Smithsonian:

If consumers are seeing these products in stores, they should be aware that these products have no assurance of purity, safety or effectiveness. The FDA does not have any information about the unapproved antibiotics sold in pet stores because they have not been evaluated for quality, safety, effectiveness, or purity. We strongly advise people to not substitute them for approved products that are intended for use in humans as prescribed by their health care provider.

THEY ARE EASILY MISLABELED

Without having to meet FDA standards, they can sport bogus claims. “I think it’s probably mostly B.S.” says veterinarian Samuel Young of United States Pharmacopeia grades listed on some labels. “[Companies] are not able to guarantee – or even required to guarantee – what’s actually in it, the purity of it, or the actual amount of it. It can be anything.”

SELF-PRESCRIBING ANTIBIOTICS CAN BE TRICKY

You may need tests to confirm that you have a bacterial infection, not a virus, since antibiotics don’t work for viruses. Using an antibiotic when unnecessary can lead to negative side effects and antibiotic resistance. Wel-Haas writes:

Taking amoxicillin while suffering a viral infection such as mono, for instance, can cause the body to erupt in rashes. Ciprofloxacin, previously a go-to for UTIs and sinus infections, has come under recent scrutiny for causing lasting damage tendons, muscles, joints, nerves and the central nervous system. Many other antibiotic classes come with their own unpleasant effects.

Here in the United States 36 percent of people surveyed in 2012 wrongly replied that antibiotics can fight a cold virus; 41 percent of them had heard little or nothing about antibiotic resistance.

ANTIBIOTICS ARE NOT ONE SIZE FITS ALL

Different medications target different infections differently; even various broad-spectrum antibiotics work better for some things than others. Do you have the know-how to know that you’re matching the right antibiotic to your ailment? Wilson E. Gwin, director of the Purdue Veterinary Teaching Hospital Pharmacy, says, “We don’t really know if that’s the right drug for what the person is trying to treat. If it’s the wrong drug, they can do themselves even more harm.”

ANTIBIOTICS HAVE A GOLDILOCKS SPOT

You know how you are supposed to finish a course of antibiotic to the end? That’s because you risk relapse and in doing so, may encourage the infectious microbes to proliferate and form resistance. Antibacterial resistance is a serious public health problem, with bacteria getting more tenacious to the point that traditional drugs no longer do them harm. On the other hand, take antibiotics for too long, explains Wel-Haas, “and you might be giving the bacteria greater amounts of time to develop ways to elude the meds.”

So there you have it. With this in mind it might be wise to give fish drugs to your fish; if you need them, take human drugs for your human self.  

11 Reasons to Love Watermelon

It’s watermelon season! The mostly gigantic fruit are popping up in gardens, farmer’s markets and grocery stores. And, that’s a good thing. Not only do these fruit quench thirst from the scorching hot days of August, they are packed with nutrition to boost your health. Here are 11 reasons to love watermelon:

1.  Watermelon is one of the top sources of the nutrient lycopene, which gives foods like watermelon, tomatoes, guava, rosehips, strawberries and pink grapefruit their pinkish-reddish hue. A growing body of research links lycopene consumption to a reduced risk of prostate and breast cancer.

2.  Watermelon may stimulate more than your taste buds. According to researchers at Texas A& M University, watermelon may have similar effects as Viagra. The scientists credit a variety of ingredients that collectively stimulate blood vessels and may increase libido.

3.  Lycopene found in watermelon has also been linked to a reduce risk of heart disease, atherosclerosis and high blood pressure. 

4.  Watermelon contains a nutrient known as citrulline, which in its conversion to the amino acid arginine, helps to prevent fat accumulation in the cells. It also boosts watermelon’s heart-healing properties.

5.  During this conversion to arginine, the body’s stores of nitric oxide increase. Nitric oxide helps to relax blood vessels and increases blood flow, which further increases watermelon’s ability to mitigate angina, high blood pressure and heart disease.

6.  This delightful fruit also contains compounds known as flavonoids, carotenoids and triterpenoids—all of which have potent antioxidant capabilities, meaning that they destroy harmful free radicals in our bodies before they can accelerate aging and disease.

7.  Watermelon is high in glutathione, which is an important nutrient needed to maintain liver health.

8.  This thirst-quenching food is also high in beta carotene, which is needed for healthy skin, as well as immune-boosting vitamin C.

9.  Watermelon’s ability to boost our arginine levels also enables it to remove ammoniaand other toxic compounds from our bodies.

10.  As its name would suggest, watermelon contains 92 percent water, making it an excellent and refreshing choice to prevent dehydration and rehydrate your cells.

11.  Due to its many antioxidants and other nutrients, watermelon has anti-inflammatory effects on the body, which is important when you consider that dozens of serious chronic health conditions ranging from arthritis to cancer have been linked to inflammation in the body.

While all watermelons are nutritious, choose the reddish-pink flesh varieties as they offer the greatest amounts of flavonoids and lycopene. While lycopene content is fairly stable for the first two days after cutting watermelon, it begins to dwindle after that. The same is true of many of the other nutrients in watermelon which tend to deteriorate the longer they are stored. So, choose freshly-harvested watermelons as much as possible and eat them soon after you cut into them. Watermelon is delicious blended with ice for a thirst-quenching summer beverage.

The Truth about Coconut Water

Coconut water isn’t unhealthy, but its health claims are pretty overblown. Let’s look at the truth about this trendy drink.

A lot of folks swear by coconut water for rehydrating after strenuous activity. Back when I was distance running, coconut water was just starting to become popular, and I even made my own sports drink out of it, by blending it up with a few pieces of fresh watermelon. Coconut water is definitely refreshing, but does it hold up to the nutritional hype?

Coconut water is a billion-plus dollar industry. BevNet, a beverage industry news site, reported on coconut water’s market growth in April. Leading coconut water company, VitaCoCo, “estimates that the category is worth about $1.2 billion overall, along with another $650 million in imports.”

COCONUT WATER’S DECEPTIVE ADVERTISING

Before we get to the health claims themselves, we should talk about how marketing plays into our ideas about coconut water’s health benefits.

A 2011 study looked at coconut water’s nutritional content and found that it often didn’t measure up to company claims. A year later, VitaCoCo faced a class action lawsuit for deceptive claims about its product, which it settled for $10 million. 

Marion Nestle recently pointed to a new, industry-funded study on coconut water—paid for by VitaCoCo—that compared it to Gatorade. The study found that after a 60 minute treadmill workout, men had similar recovery results from coconut water and Gatorade. Nestle (no relation to the company) says, “VitaCoCo must want to market its product as a sports drink. In this instance, neutral (‘as good as’) results position this drink as an alternative to Gatorade or its equivalent.”

Like any health claims that a company makes, you should take coconut water’s health claims with a grain of salt.

COCONUT WATER VS. SPORTS DRINKS

You really can’t talk about the coconut water craze without talking about sports drinks in general.  The truth is, most of us don’t need any kind of fancy drink to hydrate after a workout. If our bodies needed special drinks to bounce back every time we did something strenuous, people would be dropping like flies all over town.

According to the Harvard Medical School, most people can stay hydrated, even during and after a workout, by drinking plain old water when we feel thirsty. If you’re hitting the gym for an hour or less, save a buck and just drink water.

There are times when our bodies need an extra boost of nutrients, like you’d find in sports drinks. If you’re training outside in extreme heat or running a marathon, for example, sports drinks are your friend. Coconut water, though, may not give you everything you need, depending on how hard you worked out.

Coconut water does deliver a good dose of potassium, carbohydrates and fluids, all of which your body needs after strenuous exercise. But coconut water is low in sodium, the other key nutrient that your body loses during a hard workout. Nutritionist Andrea Giancoli, registered dietician and spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition, told WebMD, “If you’re exercising more than an hour, coconut water may not be enough [to replace what you've lost].”

WHEN COCONUT WATER IS HANDY

If you’re worried about not getting enough dietary potassium, coconut water can definitely help, just like eating a banana, a potato or any other calcium-rich food. Think of it less as a miracle serum and more as an optional addition to your healthy food and drink arsenal.

Giancoli did have some good things to say about coconut water. A serving before a workout can give you a little boost of sugar to fuel your training, and it contains less sugar than many sports drinks. If you’re replacing a soda or a glass of juice with a serving of coconut water, you’re cutting back on dietary sugar.

The bottom line: if you like coconut water and it fits your grocery budget, drink it! Just make sure you don’t drink too much, and check the ingredients. Many brands of coconut water contain added sugars. Not a fan of coconut water? There are plenty of other ways to meet your potassium needs and to stay hydrated.

Foods Harming You From The Inside

When it comes to the foods you shouldn’t be eating, it would be simple for me to point to the obvious. Bacon, for example, regardless of its deliciousness…well, on EVERYTHING, will eventually double your risk of stroke if you eat a lot of it every day. And food experts warn that convenience, deep-fried foods are no better. Donuts, French fries, and chicken wings not only threaten your waistline; the deep-frying process actually leaves food infused with toxic chemicals that put you at risk of chronic inflammatory conditions and certain types of cancer.

Most of us know that we should eat better. But if you think you’re eating healthy yet the following ten foods make up majority of your diet—think again! So as much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it’s prime time you discovered the hidden dangers of these popular North American foods…

1. Canned Tomato Sauce

You might not associate canned tomatoes and tomato sauces with high fructose corn syrup when you’re making spaghetti and meatballs.  However, when it comes to hidden sources of sugar, your favorite canned tomato sauce is likely one of the sweetest culprits, secretly contributing to increased rates of obesity, diabetes, coronary artery disease, and dental decay.

To top your pasta with a healthier sauce, check labels for a low sugar, low sodium tomato sauce or make your own using fresh tomatoes and herbs. You can also find cans of pureed tomatoes with no added sugars or salt to mix with a bit of extra virgin olive oil, fresh spices, or chopped onions and garlic for added flavor. Remember, it’s always best to add your own spices so you know what’s going into your food.




2. Soda

The sugary soda bomb is not your friend. It’s not kind to your waistline. It’s not gentle on your teeth. And it can wreak chaos on your skin, your hormones, your anxiety levels, and your blood glucose.  Each fizzy can you guzzle down is null and void of nutritional benefits, unless you consider about 10 teaspoons of refined sugar in your best interest.

Soft drinks also contain hearty doses of artificial food dyes and preservatives like BVO (brominated vegetable oil). So do yourself a favor the next time you’re thirsty for a satisfying fizz, pour a tall glass of sparkling water and add a splash of lemon, lime, or 100-percent fruit juice.




3. Deli Meats

Nitrates may sound like a ticking time bomb, which isn’t far from the truth when you consider the levels of sodium, preservatives, and additives that lend deli meats—like ham, salami, and bologna—their rosy shade. Adults who regularly partake risk increased rates of heart disease, and cancer. While studies show that meat lunching kids are prone to learning issues and behavioral conditions.

If you need meat for sandwiches, buy deli meats straight from your local butcher and have them sliced to order. They might no last as long as packaged meats, but they’ll contain far fewer harmful preservatives. You can also buy a flat of chicken breasts and slice them into thin strips for sandwiches and stir fries, as you need them, throughout the week.




4. Artificial Sweeteners

You might have made the swap from refined white sugar to an artificial sweetener—like acesulfame potassium, aspartame, neotame, saccharin, or sucralose—because artificial sweeteners contain fewer calories. However, just because the FDA labels them safe for human consumption, doesn’t mean you necessarily should.

Numerous studies have linked low- and zero-calorie foods and beverages to heightened risk of metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, weight gain, and cardiovascular disease. In fact, many food scientists consider aspartame “the most dangerous substance on the planet.”  If you need a touch of sweetness, use natural agave syrup, honey, or  real maple syrup sparingly.




5. Margarine

You’ve heard the warnings when it comes to trans fats (or saturated hydrogenated oils). Sure, they’re plant-based oils, but they’re still so highly processed that nutritionists give foods, like margarine, a big thumbs down. Why? Because trans fats increase the risk of bad cholesterol, heart disease, and stroke.

So skip the sandwich spread or use mashed avocado or extra virgin olive oil for a healthier spread or bread dipper. I like to drizzle toasted pita bread with a bit of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. You can also add a few teaspoons of your favourite heart-healthy oil, spices, and balsamic vinegar on a plate for dipping bread, crackers, and other crudités.




6. Bottled Salad Dressings

The worst thing you can do to sabotage a fresh, nutritious, crisp salad is by drowning it in bottled salad dressing! Even the fat-free or reduced fat dressings are packed with sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and artificial colors (i.e., like caramel coloring). Essentially, you might as well pour diet soda over your mixed greens.

For a healthier salad topper mix a few tablespoons of balsamic vinegar or apple cider vinegar with a few teaspoons of extra virgin olive oil for a healthy salad containing good fats. Depending on the type of salad that you’re eating, using a home made tomato or fruit salsa, homemade guacamole or hummus, or even marinading your meat beforehand, may offer enough flavor that you don’t require salad dressing at all.




7. Whole Dairy

Aside from the fact that whole-milk dairy products contain far too many saturated (or bad) fats, they’re also jam-packed with another ingredient that will put you off your cereal—bovine growth hormone (BGH). This synthetic hormone is engineered in a lab to boost the milk production of cows.

Unfortunately, nutritionists say BGH is passed along to humans in milk in the form of childhood obesity, as well as certain cancers, chronic migraines, and rheumatoid arthritis. However, you can opt for organic cow’s, goat’s, or sheep’s milk that come minus the added hormones. Animal milk alternatives, such as almond, soy, and rice milk are also options.




8. Hot Dogs

By hot dogs I’m really referring to any smoked, cured, or salted meat that contains chemical preservatives. However, hot dogs carried the brunt of food criticism thanks to medical and media reports. For instance, findings from the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine claimed that processed “hot dogs should carry cigarette-style warning labels!”

It turns out America’s favorite ballpark treat is so full of sodium, chemicals, and toxins that regular weekly consumption can increase your risk of colorectal cancer by about 21-percent. Luckily, chemical free hot dogs and sausages are yours for the taking at organic butchers and often straight from the farm.




9. Potato Chips

Medical scientists estimate that potato chips, as well as French fries (they are no better for you), and other deep fried goodies (i.e., chicken fingers and wings) are responsible for a few thousand cancers each year in North America. So the next time you slip into a drive thru for some crispy-greasy satisfaction, consider the danger to your colon, breasts, bladder, prostate, and rectum. Heightened risk of these conditions comes from acrylamide, a carcinogen created during the deep fried cooking process.

So rather than buying your chips pre-bagged, opt for baking them at home on your own. Slice white and red potatoes, sweet potatoes, leeks, carrots, beets, and parsnips. Brush with a little bit of olive oil, sprinkle with sea salt (and dill or garlic if you desire), and bake in the oven until crispy. You can looked for baked chips in store as well.




10. Refined White Carbohydrates

White breads, white rice, white pasta, pre-packaged chips and crackers, cookies, cakes, breakfast cereals, and pretty much every single snack food on the market all have one thing in common—enriched wheat flour! That’s why I’m always going on about the type of carbohydrates (complex carbs vs. starchy carbs) that largely make up your diet, and how they determine the way you metabolize food and your level of energy.

Not only are refined grains stripped of most nutrients; they also digest quickly into simple sugars, causing blood-sugar levels to spike and come quickly crashing down in a wave of irritability and mid-day snack attacks. Ultimately, a starchy addition is linked to weight gain, inflammatory conditions (i.e., arthritis), type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and high blood pressure.